Lloyd can feel himself tremble before he feels the tears build up behind his eyes and he wants to curse himself for being so emotional, but the tears can't be held back and for all of the counting to three he does, it feels like his breaths won't calm themselves again. He opens his mouth, attempts to speak something resembling "'ts not your fault," but a shuddering gasp is all he can manage.
He's embarrassed, the fact that he's crying, hugging this man who he just met just because he happens to understand, because Lloyd doesn't know how else to bottle up how he's feeling, just goes to show him he's no less the kid he was when his journey started almost two years ago. I can't be strong like this he thinks, because how is he going to protect the only family he has in his world when he breaks down like this?
He sniffs, stifling the sobs he wants to let out so badly because this was supposed to be for Malos. Lloyd has had fourteen years to accept and cope with the loss of his mother, he shouldn't be this weak about it. The shadows in the depths of his mind laugh at him, know that his loss of composure has less to do with his Anna and the regrets he's lived through in the past two years, the things he's lived to learn and the things he's lived to do. He's so tired of the anxiety that sits in the pit of his stomach, waiting for the day the other shoe drops and he loses someone else, so tired of smiling off the swirls of misery that pound in his mind, that make him remember every mistake he's made.
He curls a little more into Malos' chest, forcing a silence that speaks more words than he feels he should.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-03-14 06:14 pm (UTC)He's embarrassed, the fact that he's crying, hugging this man who he just met just because he happens to understand, because Lloyd doesn't know how else to bottle up how he's feeling, just goes to show him he's no less the kid he was when his journey started almost two years ago. I can't be strong like this he thinks, because how is he going to protect the only family he has in his world when he breaks down like this?
He sniffs, stifling the sobs he wants to let out so badly because this was supposed to be for Malos. Lloyd has had fourteen years to accept and cope with the loss of his mother, he shouldn't be this weak about it. The shadows in the depths of his mind laugh at him, know that his loss of composure has less to do with his Anna and the regrets he's lived through in the past two years, the things he's lived to learn and the things he's lived to do. He's so tired of the anxiety that sits in the pit of his stomach, waiting for the day the other shoe drops and he loses someone else, so tired of smiling off the swirls of misery that pound in his mind, that make him remember every mistake he's made.
He curls a little more into Malos' chest, forcing a silence that speaks more words than he feels he should.